I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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