This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
