After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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