I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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