Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
