I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize