then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
