Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
