YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize