I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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