oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
