i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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