so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
