She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
