It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
