yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
