alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
