my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
