Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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