i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
