im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
