No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
