I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
