there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
