How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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