Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
