The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize