I just cut my nipple shaving
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
