At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize