a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
