Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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