she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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