Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
