i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
