I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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