my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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