you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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