I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
