He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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