people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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