Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
