dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
