I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
try to milk me bitch
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