Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
