to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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