I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
