i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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