Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
