An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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