if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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