Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
