did you get engaged???
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
