YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
