wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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