I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
