my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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