recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm at about main and main street
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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