you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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