You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
