Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
50% drunk capacity currently
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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