the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
