were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I need to stop coming to work sober
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
