why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
