Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you had me at cake vodka
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
