I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
