We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
