my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
where am i from again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
